Standing on the outside looking in

I’m standing outside in the cold damp grass watching the perfect family through their kitchen window.

The four of them sitting at the dinner table with a fine meal before them.  They lower their heads in family prayer and then begin to enjoy the feast.  They laugh at each others jokes and funny comments. Talk to each other about their day and what they would like to do after the meal. The dog and cat are even enjoying dinner next to each other without a hiss or bark.  It all looks picture perfect.

As they eat, talk, smile, and enjoy their company I can feel the cold earth beneath my feet begin to cave in. A black thorny vine starts to crawl slowly up my legs binding them together making small shallow cuts on its way.  Cold, damp, strong, and irresistible, it travels up my body consuming me to my neck.  It pulls me back into the damp darkness of which no light can find.

The weather is getting better

I wasn’t planning on writing anything today but when I left work the weather was beautiful.  The sun is shining, it’s around 60 degrees out and I just couldn’t make myself go back indoors to work out.  So instead I worked on cleaning off my balcony.  I had to clean off all the roofing nails, cig butts, and pieces of shingles that the wonderful roofers left a mess of.  I knew that there was no use to complain to the apt manager because they would just make their maintenance team clean it and it isn’t their fault.  Once I got the left over roofing things off I working on cleaning up the plants.  The dead plants from last season that were still in their pots.  I know bad me, I never got around to it at the end of the season.  But it is done now.  All the leaves I could pick up are in the bag, the dead plants, nails, and pine needles.  My foldable (awesome for apt balcony) table and chairs set is out.

Now all I have to do is watching the lady walking her dog talking on the phone, the guy running after work, the teenagers walking back from Target, listen to the airplanes, cars, trains, and to the woodpecker working on the trunk on the pine tree that comes up to my balcony.  And last but not least my little Pepper meowing at me wanting to come outside.

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